


Shattered Hearts Can Be Healed Again

by SmartZelda



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, M/M, Slow Burn, Soriku - Freeform, soriku endgame, temporary RikuxMale OC, temporary sokai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-19 01:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22536547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmartZelda/pseuds/SmartZelda
Summary: Riku once believed he could hold in his feelings for Sora. He thought he could live never telling Sora about his feelings, because Sora's happiness was the only thing that mattered.One day, everything shatters, starting with a spar, escalating into a severed bond. It's up to both Sora and Riku to fix what's broken, but it's going to take time. Can a shattered heart ever truly heal again? What about two?
Relationships: Kairi & Riku & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Riku & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	Shattered Hearts Can Be Healed Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wordscantexpress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordscantexpress/gifts), [Salted_Coffee_Beans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salted_Coffee_Beans/gifts), [sallijuice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallijuice/gifts).



> Thanks Salt, Salli, and Zee for spending four hours on the monstrosity of the original outline with me. I hope you enjoy what I've done with it so far
> 
> It's gonna start out with a ride of angst, but hold out for the happy ending!

At the training ground, Riku and Mickey's keyblades collide, and the rapid clang of metal against metal, keyblade against keyblade, rings out.

Mickey can't figure out how a simple sparring match turned so passionate, desperate, but he doesn't back down.

Though, Mickey can't say he's surprised when Riku suddenly halts, red-faced, panting, sweating buckets. He could tell the passion wasn't just a simple competitiveness. It had to be something serious.

Eyes wide, Riku hangs over his knees as he stares at the ground. His heart _hurts_. It hurts enough to break.

No, not break. It hurts nearly enough to _shatter_.

"Sora…" He can't get Sora out of his head. His forehead pulses with intense pain. Everything _burns_ as he tries to hold everything in as he always has.

_He'll...never feel the same…_

_Hold it in… Don't let the feelings out._

_I've been holding it in for him._

_Why...does this affect me so hard…? Why can't I…?_

_Stop…_

_Stop._

_STOP._

_Stop. Thinking._

Riku can't help it. He tries to stop, tries to push everything back into the depths of his heart, but all his feelings for Sora, and all the corresponding anxieties and regrets, burst forth through the dam of his mind, and his heart aches, and aches, and _aches_.

He can't do this anymore.

He grunts, throwing his keyblade at the ground with all his tired strength, and falls to his knees. He sighs into his hands as sobs wrack his body; his tears plummet to the dry earth. He feels so _pathetic_.

Throwing a gloved hand up to cover his mouth, Mickey gasps. Rather than putting a hand on Riku's shoulder, kneeling down beside him, or even speaking with the intention of comforting him, he simply stands near him, wishing he knew the best way to help his friend. "Riku…"

~

Back from another mission with Donald and Goofy, Sora springs out the doorway of the Gummi Ship hangar. "Aaaaaah! That was soooo fuuuuuun!"

"It sure was!" Donald agrees.

"Well, gwarsh, I guess that means we have to go back to visit Mowgli and Baloo again sometime!"

"Yeah!" Sora throws a fist in the air, and as it falls back to his side, he begins to hum a tune from the world he returned from as he continues down the hallway with Donald and Goofy. He believes the song is called something like Beer Nests...er, no, maybe...Bear Nesties….

_Bare...neceties… Bare… Bare... Bare Necessities!_

Riku passes Sora, staring down at the ground, silent, red-faced, and Mickey follows after him, a sad look upon his face.

Sora trails off as he notices Riku, frowning, and he just watches as he and Mickey of them through the doorway to the Gummi Ship hangar. 

Sora starts to reach out in Riku's direction, "Riku...what's…?" but he lets his arm drop back to his side.

_He's not alone… The king is there…_

Sora turns back to a frowning Donald and Goofy. "What's wrong with Riku?" Sora asks, concerned.

Donald and Goofy shake their heads.

_I'll have to ask the King later, I guess…_

Sora starts back down the hallway, still frowning.

~

The depression in Riku's heart, the weight of all his feelings, steadily increases as Mickey leads him through the tall halls of Disney castle. Every step leaves him more and more slumped over, his muscles more tense, and his bones weaker. Despite the banners and photos upon the wall, the castle halls remind him of Castle Oblivion, and it sends chills down his spine.

Eventually, Mickey stops before a door, and Riku finally looks up. The height of the door looms over him overwhelmingly. 

_He's gonna open that?_

That is, until the creak of a door hits his ears, and he instinctively shifts his eyes down to the source of the sound.

A smaller door just the right size for Mickey had opened up in what he had assumed to be a door, and upon seeing it, a small giggle forces its way out of Riku's mouth.

_Always so dramatic._

However, the burst of happiness accompanied by the giggle is short lived, and Riku's expression soon fades back into the unbelievably sad, hurt frown as he follows Mickey through the door, ducking under the door frame as he enters.

Immediately as Riku enters, the door closes behind him and heat envelops both his body and soul. Rather than literal heat, however, the feeling consuming him is one of warmth and coziness.

He takes a look around, eyes shifting all around. The room already seems much cozier than the rest of the castle. Rather than tall ceilings and white walls, it has soft green walls and significantly shorter ceilings (closer to what Riku would classify as normal ceiling height). There's a burning hearth, a big, round, green rug in the center of the hardwood floor, a blue recliner, green couch, and even soft navy-blue curtains covering where the windows would be.

_It's almost like a..._

"Riku...this is...my living room." Mickey quickly adds, panicked, "My old living room I mean! From an old house I had."

When Riku doesn't say anything, Mickey takes his hand and leads him over to the couch. Riku averts his eyes, trying not to catch Mickey's. Why'd he lead him here? Is it an attempt to make him feel better? How? Doesn't he know it's not that easy?

"...I…" Mickey begins. "I led you here because it's my...safe space. Whenever I get overwhelmed...by all the things I have to do being a King and a keyblade wielder...I come here to relax. I wanted this to be a place for you to-"

A knock on the door interrupts Mickey.

"Just a second, Riku." Mickey slides off the couch, and walks over to unlock and open the door.

Minnie walks in, wearing a plain orange dress and a simple pastel-purple bow atop her head rather than her usual tiara and fancy dress, and locks the door behind her.

Mickey and Minnie sit on either side of Riku on the couch.

Mickey continues, " _We_ wanted this to be _your_ safe place."

"You can come here whenever you'd like. You can ask me here or Mickey or stay alone."

"I- We just...gwarsh, Riku, we… We want you to know that we really care about you. You can tell us anything and..."

"We'll listen," Minnie finishes.

Riku takes in sharp intakes of air as Mickey and Minnie hug him tight. "...I can...and you won't tell…?"

"We promise," they answer.

And finally, Riku lets it all go--his tears, his feelings, his hopes, everything--and they listen. Riku hasn't gotten a chance to just cry and let the sobs go in a long time, and by the time he finally leaves, the couch, his shirt, face, and Mickey and Minnie's clothes are stained in countless tears.

~

Sora's concerned to say the least.

"I don't get it… What's going on with Riku? He doesn't answer my calls or talk to me and he's always on a mission…"

Sora's noticed, though, that Donald and Goofy don't shake their heads anymore. They just don't answer him. Every time he asks someone what's wrong with Riku, either their expression is sad and they avert their eyes, or they obviously don't know.

Sora's frustrated--really frustrated--because he doesn't know what's going on and he's concerned for Riku.

 _Why won't he just_ talk _to me? Why won't anyone tell me what's going on with my_ best friend _? What's going on?!_

Sometimes Sora will catch him at meals or in the hallway, and he's stayed up more than once to see Riku when he finally returns, but it's almost like he's avoiding him. Riku averts his eyes, won't talk to him, and he always just looks so... _sad_.

_What… Did I… Did I do something…?_

Sora brings the topic up again after they return from the day's mission. He knew wanted to ask already, but it came up again while they walked out of the hangar, and _again_ Riku walked back in, ignoring Sora.

"...Donald...? Goofy?" Sora glances at his teammates, the unbidden question on his mind. "Do you think Riku is hiding something from me?"

They don't answer. Sora swears he can hear them swallow the lumps in their throats..

"What is Riku hiding from me?"

They walk on, leaving Sora standing there in the hallway.

_I've made up my mind. I'm gonna stay up to see Riku again today and he's gonna tell me what's wrong._

After dinner, while Sora waits by the Gummi Ship hangar for Riku to get back, he just can't help but think about everything.

Everyone must know that this whole thing is hurting him, right? No...maybe he convinced them with his fake happiness…

_I just...everything feels like it's my fault… Riku and everyone won't tell me. He's avoiding me. Apparently no one can see I'm concerned..._

So by the time Riku finally walks out of the hangar, all of Sora’s feelings, anxieties, and worries hit him at once. Riku tries to avoid him, walk past, but Sora catches his hand.

"...Riku, wait…"

Riku tries to ignore the sadness in Sora's voice. He tries to wrench his hand out of Sora's.

Sora, still holding Riku's hand, circles around him and forces him to face him, taking both his hands in his. He drops to his knees, face reddening, lip trembling, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. "R-Riku...please... _please_ …"

The first tear falls, and he tries to hold the rest back. "Tell me what's wrong… I can't… I can't... _stand_ knowing that I-I can't help and that something's wrong and it might be m-my fault, but I just _don't know_ …"

Riku swallows hard, his head to the side, averting his eyes. He just went to his safe space, talked about everything, relaxed, and now… He's not ready to face this--Sora and all his tears.

Sora starts again, more tears dropping, "I...I don't know what's wrong with _you_ \- What's _wrong with me_ I-" He places his hand over his heart, right over the crown token on his necklace, as the tears fall. He can _feel_ the connection, all his hurt and Riku's, but he doesn't quite... _understand_.

"You can't… You can't help me."

"I can… I can try."

"You…just _can't.._."

"How…can't I?" Riku's stubbornness pushes Sora to greater frustration. "I don't even… I d-don't even know _what_ your problem _is_! With time...a-and hard work...we can probably-"

"No. You can't, Sora."

"Riku! Stop being stubborn."

"You _can't_..."

Sora pleads, "Riku, _please_ stop being stubborn and tell me what's your _problem_ . I'm your _best friend_ why won't yo-?"

"Because…" Riku interrupts, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. His body almost shakes with how stiff he is.

Sora closes his mouth, the flow of tears slowly halts, as he shakily pushes himself back on his feet.

_Because… Because what…?_

With each word, Riku raises his voice, "...I'm... I'm… I'm…" and finally, he just lets it out, "I'm in love with you, Sora. I'm in love with you... _deeply_ . You're in love with _Kairi_ . There's nothing _anyone_ can do to fix _my_ problem."

Sora's stunned, speechless, and his arms go slack. Riku easily pulls his hands out of Sora's and just...walks on, leaving him standing there.

Sora falls against the wall, breathing heavily.

 _Riku, he...he… He loves_ me _...?_

How can Riku love him like... _like that_ ? Is _that_ what he feels tugging on his heartstrings every time…?

_Or am I just...overthinking…?_

Sora blinks numerous times. "Riku, I…" he whispers in Riku's direction as Riku continues down the hall.

 _I don't think_ I _love you like that…_

The moment he thinks it, guilt overtakes Sora's body, leaving a bad taste in his mouth, and it jumpstarts his anxiety. His muscles go stiff as he sinks to the ground and he's _so anxious_ because he never knew love could be complicated _like this_.

"Riku," he weakly calls after him, voice cracking. " Riku, I-"

"You didn't do anything." Riku stops. "It's not your fault."

"I...I know b-"

"Sora, please, just...just leave me _alone_ ," Riku pleads.

"But- but Ri-"

" _Please_."

"I… O-okay…"

After Riku leaves, Sora silently pushes himself to his feet, and stiffly stumbles to his room. He doesn't even bother to close his door before he collapses onto his bed, breathing into the sheets as he slowly pushes his shoes off his feet and curls up into himself.

Before he knows it, the sheets below him are wet with tears, and his heart squeezes itself tighter, tighter, _tighter_ as he rolls over to face the ceiling. His eyes are blurred by the tears, but he can still see the pasted glow in the dark stars that remind him of _him_.

_Riku...what's...what's gonna happen to us…?_

He doesn't want to lose any friends, much less one of his _best_ friends.

Sora breaks down in tears again, though not loud enough to wake up or alert anyone besides Riku, who hears it till Sora succumbs to sleep, no matter how quiet the sobs.

Riku never wanted to hurt Sora. He never wanted to make him cry.

~

Every passing day, Sora goes to bed with weaker limbs, more tear stains, and less will to face the next day. Riku looks as sad and hurt as usual, and though he's at the tower more now, he's also avoiding Sora more.

It brings Sora's hopes up a few weeks later when, in passing, he comes across Lea and Kairi talking to Riku and he finally _laughs_ . It's been a while since he's heard Riku _laugh_ and it puts a small, hopeful smile upon his face.

That's until he learns that Riku still won't look at him, acknowledge him even, and his heart squeezes tighter, his stomach hurts, bile rises up his throat, and he feels so _horrible_.

If someone asked Sora if he could have anything right now, he'd probably answer that he wants to fix everything. Every day, he just wants to tell Riku that he always loved him and doesn't--never--loved Kairi, just in the hope of fixing things, but it wouldn't be the truth. He doesn't know _how_ he feels because love is so complicated and he just wants his best friend _back_.

Riku laughs again in the upcoming weeks, but now, Sora can see that he's still so _hurt,_ and Riku avoiding him, ignoring him, makes him feel more and more useless, because he doesn't know what to do. He finds himself feeling nauseous more and more often. He can feel bile creep up his throat every time Riku walks away or averts his eyes. 

_It's all my fault, isn't it? It's all my fault that Riku's so_ hurt _..._

But Sora just can't give up yet. He and Riku are hurting so terribly, but there has to be a way for him to _mend_ it, _fix_ what he's done, make everything go back to the way it _was_.

He decides to corner Riku after everyone's gone to sleep again.

Sora bites his lip and stares straight into Riku's eyes as he catches him in the doorway of his room. "Riku...can we talk?"

Riku averts his eyes, sighing a tired sigh. Just being around Sora for a moment is so _exhausting_. "There's nothing to talk about, Sora."

Sora's eyes widen. "Nothing to talk about? _Nothing_ ?" he cries, "Because that's what we've been doing for _weeks_ and I _miss_ my best friend." He finally adds, "I miss _you_."

"Then get used to it and forget about me already," Riku shuts his door.

Sora's appalled. "Forget... _forget about you already_...but… Riku...?" Sora bangs on the door. "Riku! Riku!"

"Sora… Go away." Sora hears through the door.

"No. I-I can't just… Not until we _talk_."

"...I… Fine."

Sure enough, the door opens, revealing Riku, who stands in the door frame. Riku's head is tilted down, and the darkness of the room and the shade from his bangs cast a shadow over the top half of his face. All Sora can tell is that he's frowning.

"What _is it_?" Riku sounds angrier. There's none of the fondness in his voice that Sora remembers, only hatred and annoyance seeps through.

"Riku...I'm sorry I can't help, I-"

"Sora. I've told you already. It's not your fault."

"I've _missed_ talking to you. You're my _best_ _friend_ and I miss you. I miss our talks and your smiles and your laughs and whenever you're not with me or Kairi...nothing feels whole. _I don't feel_..."

_Whole._

Riku sighs again, but this time when he speaks, the anger and annoyance drops from his tone. Rather, he just sounds...tired.

"I thought I've...I've t-told you that I-" Riku trips on his words, and he looks up for a moment, long enough for Sora to see his illuminated expression change to a sad, yet guilty, frown.

"I...I think it's best if I…" Riku takes in a breath, tilting his head down again, shading the top half of his face, and Sora’s stomach starts to churn.

Riku finishes bluntly, "I think it's best if we aren't friends anymore, Sora. I want to move on, but it's hard when you're around because I love you, but I want to start a new future. I can't be stuck on a one-sided love for all eternity."

"But...but, Riku, I can't-"

"Sora, I'm sorry."

_He doesn't...sound sorry..._

Riku steps back and shuts the door again in Sora's face.

Sora can't take it. His heart constricts, tears prick his eyes, and after a moment of hesitation, he whips around, running off to his room. Tears stream down his cheeks as he slams the door and falls on his bed, curling up.

~

Once Riku hears the door slam, he knows Sora left, and turning to face the bed, he slowly collapses against the door. His body aches all over, his heart _burns_ , but he holds back the tears.

"It had to be done," he whispers to himself, self-conscious of Sora hearing him despite being in his own room, both their doors shut. "I had to do it… I had to do it…"

_I had to…_

He slowly crawls over to his bed, groaning in pain, and pulls himself atop it. His eyes widen as he stares at the bare ceiling. " _Oh._ "

_Oh, God… What… What if… What if he saw…?_

"My…" he trembles. "My _eyes_."

_If...if he saw them… I can't… They can't lie… What if…_

_No. There's no way. My face was shaded, the doorway dark. If he had seen…_

_He would have fought back._

Yet...despite his reasoning, he still trembles. "What am I so... _scared of_ …" He whispers into the stale, empty, cold air.

He can still remember the answer he gave Roxas back then. Deep down he knows he’s afraid of losing-

_No. I had to do it. I didn't want to make him cry but...if he forgets about me and I just leave...we can both be happy…_

His heart burns as the cracks in it deepens, telling him to go to Sora. It urges him to apologize, wipe away his tears, anything to make Sora feel better.

But he can't stay around Sora anymore. It's too draining. No one can fix his problem, and as long as Sora's around him, his state worsens, and it hurts Sora knowing he can't fix it.

_If I can get Sora to hate me… If I can leave and he can forget about me...he'll never be sad like this again. He'll have Kairi and everyone else and I…_

_Moving on… I don't think I can, but if I can leave Sora behind, knowing he's happy, I never have to feel again. When I'm not around him…_

It'll be easier to freeze his heart, numb the pain, when Sora's not right there all the time, melting his heart over and over again, forcing him to _feel_.

Riku would be lying if he said at least a couple tears didn't leak out, or that his heart didn't still hurt like hell, despite the self-reassurance.

~

Sora gazes blankly at the star lidden ceiling. At a glance through the doorway, one might mistake him sleeping, but up close, his body is unmistakably tense, stiff as a ram rod, and he wishes he could just stop _thinking_.

It's not till he squeezes his hands into fists, bunching up the linen in his palms, that he realizes he's crying again, the slow tears cutting rivers down his cheeks. "...Why am I…?"

_I thought...I ran out of l tears..._

He squeezes his eyes shut, red faced, and squeezes the rest of his body, even trying not to breathe, in hopes of falling asleep or losing the hurt, but the moment he closes his eyes, a vision of Riku on his knees, crying, tears falling to the nonexistent ground, swims before him.

His heart surges with confidence and a bit of anger, and he sits up on the bed.

_Since when do I mope?_

He slides off the bed, his expression settled into an angry frown, and sprints to Riku's door after throwing his own open.

_All that matters is that Riku is hurting, and I have to help!_

He can't just sit idly when Riku's only a room across from him, hurting, and not his best friend.

He knocks on Riku's door once, twice, thrice, and finally again, louder, till he's banging on the door angrily, repeatedly, knuckles burning from the pain.

Tears threaten to fall from Sora's eyes. "Riku! This isn't fair on me _OR_ our friendship!"

To Sora's surprise, Riku answers, angrily, "I love you, but it's too late. It's _too late_!"

"Riku, please! I'm really trying here, but this friendship takes _TWO_!" He slides down the door, both arms up, and fists against the door.

_If he would just try..._

" _Please, Riku_."

_Answer me..._

He begins losing control over his tears. "I can't… I-I can't lose you..." he softly cries, " _not again_."

 _"It's too late!"_ plays back in his head again.

_There's...no way… I won't let it!_

He chokes on his tears and the buildup of drainage in his throat as he hurtles fist after fist at the door. "Riku! Riku! _RIKU_!"

~

Riku, leaning against the door, an ear pressed to it, can hear Sora cry as he screams his name, hitting the door. 

Each knock, each "Riku", constricts his heart, weakens his body. He should just jump in his bed, try to sleep and forget, but he just _can't_.

Sora inconsolable, he's not gonna stop yet, and Riku's _right here_ , right on the other side of the door. He's the only one that can help make things right again, but he just can't do that either.

Riku wonders amidst his own tear stricken face if this is how Icarus felt while falling.

With his weakened, wobbly limbs, and his heavily constricted heart, you'd think Riku would fall, just like Icarus, to the ground, but somehow, he still stands, back against the door now, staring into the darkness of his room.

_I'm not okay… I'm..._

He can't even lie to himself this time. He lost that ability when he broke down during his spar with Mickey. He's most definitely not okay, and he knows it. The tears rush down his face, hitting the ground.

One moment he's leaning on the door, about to fall, and the next, he's face up on his bed, trying not to make a sound as he cries, trying not to let Sora hear it.

Normally, he could guess at the future, what's going to happen next, but as he silently cries, all he can see is himself crying, lying in an empty, dark, suffocating room forever.

~

Sora cries, sobs, almost screams as he throws his fists at the door calling for Riku. He can't stop. He _won't_ stop until Riku listens to him and realizes it's not too late.

Riku never opens the door, and Sora slowly curls up in on himself, his fists hitting softer and softer, arms drooping, tears coming to a slow stop, until he finally passes out in front of Riku's door out of exhaustion, in a pool of his own tears.

Lea, who lives in the room directly to Riku's right, slowly opens his door out to the hallway, peeking around to look at the sleeping Sora. 

He had heard everything, and he sat idly in his room the whole time, afraid to intervene on such a personal conversation. He slowly tiptoes down the hallway over to Sora, frowning, sad for all the hurt Sora's had to endure, and slowly picks him up, taking him to his room.

After gently laying Sora down on his bed, he pulls off Sora's shoes, drops them on the floor, and pulls out his gummiphone to shoot Donald and Goofy a text on the situation as he walks over to pull a blanket out of the corner of Sora's room.

He throws the blanket on Sora. "It'll be okay," he whispers. "Everything'll be fine. Got it memorized?" He does his signature pose, tapping a finger on his forehead as he says his signature phrase, except with a sad, sympathetic frown rather than an uplifting, confident smirk.

~

As Riku continues to stare at his ceiling, it feels like both mere seconds and centuries have passed at once. He's like this all night, and by the time he finally forces himself to get up and open his door, Sora's gone already gone, sent on a mission.


End file.
